What's Saving My Life
+ A little update on this ole Substack
First, a little update: Last year, aka the year of divorce + cancer, was….brutal? Any writing was a struggle, let alone thoughtful reflections on caregiving. When the year began, my writing desire returned, thank goodness. There’s a lot of material on caregiving-ha!-swirling in my mind. It is all far more personal than I intended when I started this Substack. All to say, I may pivot to more personal reflections. I continue to figure out my writing direction. Thank you for reading!
When
suggested a “What’s Saving My Life,” Substack prompt, I immediately jotted notes in my phone.A theme quickly emerged. Pretty much everything fell into one the following: ritual, community and unexpected surprises.
I’ve never thought of these three as a formula for flourishing but maybe there is something to it? Maybe ritual, community, and a delightful surprise, every now and then, are what we really need?
Anyway, here’s what is saving my life lately:
Ritual: Water Walks
Always and forever saving my sanity. Also, winter sunsets. I don’t understand the science behind winter sunsets being such stunners (maybe because I’m usually home doing kids bedtime during summer sunsets?) but whoo, they are special.
Ritual: Hot Water Bottle + Weighted Blanket
When the headlines are soul crushing, the bathtub pipe is leaking, and preschool sends (another) hand-food-mouth alert, nothing comforts quite like this duo. Even just boiling water for the hot water bottle relaxes me.
Surprise! The Rain and the Story Squad
I’m lucky enough to celebrate four years with a fantastic writing group, the Story Squad. This month, they were generous enough to travel all the way to California to spend a weekend brainstorming, reflecting and recommitting to our writing goals. I look up to my writer friends SO MUCH. I was excited for California to turn on the sparkle show and dazzle them with sunshine.
Instead, we got an atmospheric river.
One afternoon, we drove to the Golden Gate bridge, the icon of the Bay. Pelting rain, moody mist, and violent winds fought us as I attempted a photo. And all we could do was laugh. In that moment, it felt SO good to be with people who just want to be together, who don’t care that the moment didn’t match the expectation, who totally get the metaphor of it all. A weather letdown and a beautiful memory.
(Nothing quite like writer friends. They wrote their own What’s Saving my Life lists: Kim's, Melissa's, and Erin's.)
Ritual: Sprite Thursdays
After a year of coparenting (a recent milestone), David and I have our schedule down. On Thursday nights, I’m primary parent, and we’re all a little fried. The boys are obsessed with Sprite. As a basic millennial, I’m in that constant “don’t make food a thing/encourage intuitive eating/but also should my preschooler drink soda????” mental battle.
Enter Sprite Thursdays.
Truly the dumbest, easiest ritual. I make an indoor picnic, split a mini-Sprite between them, and they dine like kings.
Community: Svastha Yoga + Sinai Meditation
For my entire adult life, I’ve dreamed of being someone with a regular yoga and meditation practice. Oh, to be the mom who wakes before the sun, rolls out the mat and makes morning movement my life’s rhythm! I am not that person. I’m not sure I’ll ever never be that person.
However, thanks to a beautiful new yoga studio in my neighborhood, and the generous Wellness Center at my synagogue, I am meditating and yoga-ing in community pretty regularly this year. The practice alone is healing. Practicing in a gentle gathering? Even better.
Ritual: Thursday Night Pitt and Polish
Have you seen The Pitt?? It is SO GOOD. (This interview is one example why). I’ve started painting my nails while watching it, and it is a wonderful winddown.
Community: Work + Neighbors
Work is extremely stressful right now. I’m not going to positive spin all that, but I will say that I’m extremely grateful for my remarkably hardworking and dedicated colleagues. And I’ll leave it at that.
When online stress buzzes, I feel grounded in neighborhood generosity. Nothing makes me smile like seeing a “Meyer lemon madness has begun!” post on Buy-Nothing, and or walking by a box of lemons on the curb. Tis the season and I love it.
Surprise! Sunshine and Diego-time in LA
At some point this fall, there was a crazy Southwest sale1 and I booked a two day LA trip for Diego’s February break. The trip promptly fell off my radar. Suddenly the flight was around the corner, and I wondered, is this worth the cost/time effort?
I’m SO grateful to my impulsive fall self for looking out for February me. We needed this one-on-one time together. Diego needed my attention and I needed time to focus on him. The trip was totally random, we had no agenda, and we had the BEST time. It makes me want to do more one-on-one events with each boy.
Ritual: Friday Night Shabbat
When my marriage ended, my mom shipped me a box of Shabbat candles. I’d been kind of on-again-off-again with Shabbat, but having the candles at the ready helped me commit.
This ritual saved me. Lighting the candles, saying the prayers, pouring the juice: tiny rituals that anchored us. I look forward to Shabbat dinner all week.
Surprise! My Mom!
Speaking of my mother….guess who is in Alameda now? My mom! She made a decision to be up here a lot more in 2025. I can’t believe what a difference her continuity and help is making. Friends who have grandparents nearby: TREASURE IT. Experiencing it now and it is a gift.
What is really saving my life:
Feels a little strange not to acknowledge what is actually saving my life: Herceptin. This literal miracle drug is the reason I’m living the life I am right now. That’s a lot to unpack and deserves its own reflection. For now: Dr. Dennis Slamon developed this antibody treatment at UCLA (!!!) and I think about him, and the brave women in the 90s clinical trials, all the time.
This was fun! I had so many more notes - books, walks, friends, routines - but I’ll stop here. Always curious for more ideas on what’s saving your life - or as Erin said, at least making the days a little easier :)
Pretty sure my 5 Word Memoir would be: Thanks to a Southwest Sale. The number of pivotal life moments that were triggered by my impulsive flight purchases is…something.
Your water walks look absolutely heavenly, Fay. And boy, did I get a kick out of revisiting our photo attempt in front of the Golden Gate bridge. Those images made me laugh until I cried, which is a good summary of our weekend. Thanks for this beautiful read. And many many thanks for inviting us to visit 💗
This list was lovely, Fay. Now I am thinking about rituals, community, and surprises in my life, too--thank you for the prompt to reflect. And, here I am getting emotional thinking about Herceptin literally saving your life...so thankful you are here and that I get to call you my friend.