The Lawless Mush

And my favorite books this year!

My kids hang off the grocery cart and beg to open the giant Lays box. I keep pushing us through the parking lot.

A cute moment before they begged for a 50-roll box of Fruit by the Foot

I pull up my phone (disassociation much?) and open the trunk. An email pops up:

SUBJECT: The Lawless Mush of the Holidays

It is time-stamped 5 minutes ago. From myself.

I wave the kids into the car and lean against the trunk. What in the world?

And then it comes back.

Last year, just after New Year, I sat in (another) grocery store parking lot listening to Voxes. My friends debriefed the holiday break and how we survived. We all shared relief that school started again.

My brilliant friend, Jessica Folkema, summed up holiday break: it is a lawless mush, she said. Too many meals, pajamas-all-day are no longer cute, and the structures that keep family life humming go sideways. We become a grand mush of annoyance.

This completely described my own experience.

Listening to her, I felt deep relief in my tired bones. It isn’t just me. This is just life with kids on holiday break. Something prickled. An internal alert that Future Me needed these words. So, I schedule sent the following email to myself to read in December:

SUBJECT: The Lawless Mush of the Holidays

• Remember: you are now approaching the lawless mush. The holidays are a mush of being oversugared, over expectant, not enough sleep, too much to do, and did I mention too many expectations?

  It is absolutely impossible for an entire two-week period of no childcare and work demands to deliver on the holiday magic that you expect.

  Given the diet, the disrupted sleep, the interruption of exercise routines, and all of the people, and all of THEIR expectations: there will be disappointment.

• There will be crankiness. Your kids will get on your nerves. Your parents will get on your nerves. Your co-parent will get on your nerves. Your job will get on your nerves.

• And none of it is your fault. None of it is because you didn’t plan enough, because you don’t have enough money, because you don’t have enough energy, because you don’t have enough time management. None of it is your fault. It is the impossible design, the collision of high expectations, little support, and the undying hope that the holidays will be nonstop magic all the time.

  There will be magic. It will be special. There will be moments of peace. There will be joy. You will love it. And sometimes you won’t. And that’s all OK.

  

  This was an absolute Christmas magic moment. AND I need to remember this level of fun is not going to happen every day for two weeks!

So! As today marks the beginning of “that strange period between Christmas and New Year, when time seems to muddle, and we find ourselves asking again and again, What day is it? What date?” (Katherine May in Wintering), I found that email a helpful reminder. That, and May’s wise words about this mushy week:

“I used to think that these were wasted days, but now I realize that’s the point. I am doing nothing very much, not even actively being on holiday…I go for cold walks that make my ears ache. I am not being lazy. I am not slacking. I’m just letting my attention shift for a while, away from the direct ambitions of the rest of my year. It’s like revving my engines.”

The BEST part of this quiet week is the time to read. This made me laugh:

(From Olivia 📚 )

2025 was an up-and-down year, and the same can be said for reading. When I lost my job (a definite down!), I assumed a silver lining would be ample reading time. To my surprise, the stress of it all scrambled my brain, and I struggled to get back into my reading groove. With a new job (a highlight!) and a long commute, I’m back in the audiobook game. Thankfully, I enjoyed some fantastic books this fall. Here are some of my favorites this year:

An Unfinished Love Story: Whenever I get stressed about current events, I seek comfort in political history books. This front-seat take on the Kennedy/Johnson years, told through DKG’s husband’s letters is an enlightening page-turner.

A Little Less Broken: Now and then, while reading a memoir, I have that surreal experience that only that memoir offers. I read and wonder: how in the world has this person had the same reaction to life as me? This happened multiple times while reading Marian Schembari’s work. Also, I couldn’t believe this was a debut publication; her writing is stellar.

100 Ways to Change Your Life: Something about recommending a self-help book makes me feel like I’m backstage, peaking out of a curtain, horrified about judgment. I’m pushing past that to say: I liked this book! A lot! It gave me a lot to think about and might be a nice re-read with the New Year.

Show Don't Tell: The ultimate get-out-of-a-reading-rut book. Also, her highly relevant short stories make this a GREAT book club book. (I think! I’m not in a book club, but all her books are fantastic conversation starters.)

Wreck: Only Catherine Newman could write a book that combines: a horrifying train wreck, absurd Buy Nothing posts, highly detailed information about scheduling a skin biopsy, and the most laugh-until-I-cry conversation between a grandfather and granddaughter at a smoothie shop—and weave it into one of the most deeply moving books I read all year.

And my two favorite books of 2025:

Nonfiction: Memorial Days: Read and weep and marvel over Brooks’ writing. I just cheked out Horse from the library, I cannot wait to go back to her words.

Fiction: Heart the Lover: READ THIS BOOK. And then please email me your thoughts. It will make your heart feel alive.

Happy Lawless Mush week to us all!